Many agree with the assertion that relations are hard work. Coach Chris Armstrong offers to think about whether there are too many “work” in your relationship and whether she replaced all the joys.
I never believed that marriage is primarily work. Here lies self -deception, behind which I see the fear of losing the usual way of life. Fear leads to attempts to rationalize love, make this feeling more understandable. Then the extinction of love can be easily attributed to “insufficiently good” work.
People are united because being together for them is pleasure. This does not mean that we do not need mental and emotional costs, but if we love each other, they
bring joy and make us stronger. Even if you disagree with me that marriage and work are not suitable for each other, you are probably ready to admit: sometimes we make too much effort to continue the relationship.
How to determine that we are too trying?
1. You constantly calculate the reaction of the partner
Before each serious conversation, you think about what and how it will be better to say, and worry in advance that they will answer you? This means that you are too concentrated that your partner always feels good for your own interests.
What’s the catch? Sooner or later you will lose the opportunity to openly talk about important things for you. You communicate not on a friend’s rights, but as a scout forced to hide true feelings and intentions.
2. You find an excuse for everything
You can forgive and understand a lot. Even when your interests ignore, roughly imposing their desires or even insult you. You are at first offended, but then you find a compromise with you – you can even imagine this disgusting behavior as a “cruel wisdom”, which the partner shared with you from the best motives. When friends point you to the inappropriate behavior of a partner, you are offended by them and transfer the conversation to another topic.
However, you inevitably have to replace negative feelings in relation to your “half”. If at heart you understand that you live in lies, try to remember self -esteem and change the situation. Worse, if you have so dissolved the boundaries of your personality that you no longer realize this report.
What’s the catch? While you justify your partner, problems are silent. Over time, they inevitably accumulate, and your relationship becomes more and more tense and bleak.